angel winged devil

How could two people that love you so much hurt you the most.

I don’t understand why I can feel like this but they dont

how do I care for a person who hurt the person who raised me

how can I not understand that he wasn’t there for me

he didn’t take me to the daddy daughter dance or read me bed time stories. he never came to me at night to make sure I was okay. he never treated me the same as he did my siblings. i knew i was loved but i didn’t want to be the one he cared for the most.

you can see it in his eyes because I try the most. why would he not tell me. why all he lies and the secrets.

I can’t tell my siblings that I don’t understand or that I know he is great because after all that he still never called me on my birthday.

and

how do I care for the person who raised me

“the one who had a perfectionist daughter because she never had anything wrong in her life

the one daughter who saw her sister make mistakes and hear “she is just being dramatic” You made me who I am tho. the girl who has wanted to model since the age of 9. But it didn’t help hearing to stand tall and suck in as if i was some barbie doll. or . you wont fit that.

I was a girl not eating my food. I know you were trying to make me better and just looking out for me but it hurt

and what hurt the most was I had no one to go to. I had “no problems” and my life was perfect but your wrong. The edge of the knife felt dull against my stomach and my days locked away inside was just me “being dramatic” and it hurt.

Pretending like nothing was wrong hurt.

You loved me so much, you just couldn’t see how hurt I was. It was never a smile it was a cry.