angel winged devil

you were one summer boy away and thats all it took

started with the broken fishing line and unfinished songs that are yet to be written / all this to end up walking down the driveway beside you with years in between / i knew and understood it / it wasnt the forbidden that i liked / that part tasted bitter / it was the unfamiliar mind that hooked me / i wanted to rewire the mess my mind lived in

standing hesitant on what we should do next / your passenger seat was never filled that night / somehow i still answered your calls and pretty moons later we both ended up on the same side of the car

this was the start of our secrets through a selfish precaution / asking you to lay 6 feet under with me holding the casual rulebook in hand / but there was nothing casual about our secrets and maybe we both knew that

i never realized then / the “no feelings” deal was shattered when i saved the stick ring you made me which sits in my top drawer / or the way i love how jealousy drowned your mind making me feel like im yours / and part of me wants to do everything i can so it eats you alive /

now we still sit in the countdown / lowering by the day / one month till / but now im getting scared of this / i want to run / because im afraid you might run first when im falling

this / what im scared of / knowing i didn’t chose to walk away even when that felt like the easiest option / knowing the actions done and words spoken haven’t made me let go even when i wanted to / knowing i cant fully trust you yet but all the effort i give is because i want to / knowing for the first time i dont want it to be messy

i question if we want different things / because i still feel like im not yours / maybe its too serious for you though / cause you still don’t seem to listen sometimes when i ask

we both signed on nothing serious / but i haven’t read the fine print on yours / i dont know if i want to read it / agreed to speak louder so the secrets weren’t dragging us down / but i assume your with her again the second a text is left unread /

so im left with a lack of control / again / like i was waiting for my dad to come home every night / he never did / the cuts i left to be seen / my mom didn’t notice / the pills i took to numb my body / the feeling came back

lack of control makes me want to do everything you could do to me . back to you